he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
