I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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