I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
