R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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