k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
