it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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