i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why do cheetos always look like penises
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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