...so i touched it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
