I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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