Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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