I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
