Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this boner is exhausting
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
