somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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