First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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