He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
