Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
