It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
