a queef is a wish your heart makes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
