I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
