Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
