i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
