I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What a dumb baby whore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
