where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
