Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
