I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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