when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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