So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
