So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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