Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
