My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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