I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
