She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
