The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
