Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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