I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
