when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
