Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
