just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
