My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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