Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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