i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
