You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bring money and cleavage
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
