When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All the doctor said was why
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
