Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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