Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
