I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
