I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This baby is an asshole
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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