i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
