batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
