You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my liver is dry heaving
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
