The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
