I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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