The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
