I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
