i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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