i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
