It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
